The Passover Otter
Here then, children, is the story of Sheckie, the Passover Otter. *
Sheckie the otter was a happy fellow, but he had no need for his Jewish heritage. He spent all his time swimming, eating fish, and doing elaborate cross-stitch patterns for art supply stores. His parents, especially his mother Ethel, implored him to give all this time to the Torah and remember Elijah, but Sheckie was like "Screw that noise, I totally want some oysters."
So one day, he was out searching for some sweet, sweet otter wine (the finest of the fine, that sweet otter wine), when he stumbled into a fur trap. Crying, he was brought into the furriers' van, wherein he was forced to inhale much cigar smoke and listen to a lot of Fog Hat. The one furrier's name, it would happen, was Elijah! For he was the self-same prophet who has a place set for him at every seder. Him and Moses had reincarnated to get some of that fat fur trade cash. Elijah spoke otter-ese, so he understood Sheckie's pleas for freedom. And he felt pity, as he knew most otters were Hindu, so he knew how hard it already was for the young one's family.
Thusly, he set Sheckie free. But first, he made him promise to respect and honor his Jewish heritage. Sheckie agreed, but his paws were crossed behind his back, and Elijah saw this with his x-ray vision, and smote Sheckie right quick. "Disobedient otter," the prophet said, his voice louder than seven thunders, "because of your insolence, you shall be in servitude to the Lord your God for many millenia!" And he cursed Sheckie to deliver presents to all the Jewish children all throughout the world every year on Passover. Though, to be honest, the presents are sort of crap, as he is still a lazy and shiftless otter.
Though, every so often, when the moon is right, and the Fog Hat is heard on the high wind, Sheckie will deliver some sweet, sweet otter wine. And there is much rejoicing and honoring of Elijah.
Hooray for God!
* This may or may not be entirely made up. Also, any facts or names therein may or may not be entirely inaccurate and based on my 5th grade knowledge of Passover.
Sheckie the otter was a happy fellow, but he had no need for his Jewish heritage. He spent all his time swimming, eating fish, and doing elaborate cross-stitch patterns for art supply stores. His parents, especially his mother Ethel, implored him to give all this time to the Torah and remember Elijah, but Sheckie was like "Screw that noise, I totally want some oysters."
So one day, he was out searching for some sweet, sweet otter wine (the finest of the fine, that sweet otter wine), when he stumbled into a fur trap. Crying, he was brought into the furriers' van, wherein he was forced to inhale much cigar smoke and listen to a lot of Fog Hat. The one furrier's name, it would happen, was Elijah! For he was the self-same prophet who has a place set for him at every seder. Him and Moses had reincarnated to get some of that fat fur trade cash. Elijah spoke otter-ese, so he understood Sheckie's pleas for freedom. And he felt pity, as he knew most otters were Hindu, so he knew how hard it already was for the young one's family.
Thusly, he set Sheckie free. But first, he made him promise to respect and honor his Jewish heritage. Sheckie agreed, but his paws were crossed behind his back, and Elijah saw this with his x-ray vision, and smote Sheckie right quick. "Disobedient otter," the prophet said, his voice louder than seven thunders, "because of your insolence, you shall be in servitude to the Lord your God for many millenia!" And he cursed Sheckie to deliver presents to all the Jewish children all throughout the world every year on Passover. Though, to be honest, the presents are sort of crap, as he is still a lazy and shiftless otter.
Though, every so often, when the moon is right, and the Fog Hat is heard on the high wind, Sheckie will deliver some sweet, sweet otter wine. And there is much rejoicing and honoring of Elijah.
Hooray for God!
* This may or may not be entirely made up. Also, any facts or names therein may or may not be entirely inaccurate and based on my 5th grade knowledge of Passover.
posted by nicholas reed at 11:38 PM
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