I've resisted thus far. I've fought against the urge. I've won my personal battles of will. I was not going to write on politics. And there was a reason: this country broke my heart.
I know this is a stupid thing to say. But it's true. Four years ago, I was very into the political process. More so than I'd been even four years earlier, in the first presidential election I'd ever voted in. I read books. I followed the news. I detected, I sleuthed, I studied. And I, unsurprisingly, came to the conclusion that George W. Bush was the worst candidate for president I'd ever seen. But I also came to the conclusion that I did not like any of the Democratic candidates all that much either. They all seemed too. . . I don't want to say "wussy", but that's the best word that comes to mind. And I'd be fucked if I was going to vote for Nader again. But still. . . Bush had to go.
So, Democrat-bound I was, to whomever ultimately won the ticket (Kerry, duh). I polled, I pushed, I wrote, I proselytized, I even
prayed (not very hard or well, but still, the effort was there). I thought, yeah, this could work, the American people will see what a crooked bunch has been running the country the last four years, and they will vote against him and his wicked ways. And I truly believed that. I had faith in the intelligence and forthrightness of my own view point, and faith in the intelligence and forthrightness of America.
And we all know the results.
So I dropped out of politics, a ruined broken shell of a man. I just stopped. Stopped reading the blogs and the websites, stopped watching the news, stopped buying the books. Only enough news to keep abreast of what's going on. I stayed away. I voted in every minor election, and was cheered a little when the Dems retook Congress 2 years ago, but somewhere in the back of my mind was a small voice saying, "It doesn't matter; it's too little and too late."
And now, here we are on the cusp of another tight presidential race, the first of my life without an incumbent president or vice president running, with the Democratic nominee not decided yet, not by a long-shot. I hadn't decided who I wanted to win. I knew who I did
NOT want to win. But that would just bring me back to where I was four years ago: voting against someone rather than voting
FOR someone. And I didn't want to do that again. I didn't want the choice to be between the lesser of two evils. I'm tired of the negativity that surrounds everything I love, and choosing between two candidates I don't like smacks to me of a zero sum loss.
But today, I have found a reason to believe again, I think.
I realize this is not saying much in the way of reason or logic or personal issues. I won't be going into my reasons for this, for they are long and complicated, and I don't even understand much of my own brain chemistry myself. I have no evidence to back this up, short of
one amazing speech, and a sense of hope that maybe, this time, we can get it right. "It requires all Americans to realize that your dreams do not have to come at the expense of my dreams."
Barack Obama '08.
Thank you for reading. We'll be back to yr regularly scheduled sarcasm and pop culture shortly.
Labels: politics
